My Story: Belonging in Community

... the person who loves those around them will create community - Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

One thing I loved about moving to our community was everything was close enough for us to walk to.  The park, the pool, the library were all in walking distance from our house and it was my favourite thing to bundle up my baby into her buggy and off we would go on a new adventure every day.  Her eager face, with large eyes looking at all the wonderful sights, would giggle and sing along the way to her playgroups. 

Over time things began to change.  We weren't so much excited about the event of our adventure, but our destination.  At each place we met people.  Familiar faces became friends, and friends began to journey the highs and lows of life with us.  I remember lots funny conversations with people in my community that helped to create a release valve for my anxiousness, forgetfulness and  tiredness.  Sharing my experiences as a new parent helped to open up my world and create belonging, energy and relationships.

As children grow their most important relationships are formed with their family and extended families.  Babies are very dependent on the big people in their lives and their caregivers are their most trusted people.  Babies can communicate to some degree, but they develop their skills over time that serve their needs through trial and error; putting shoes on the wrong feet, eating all sorts of weird and wonderful foods and sorting out how their actions create welcomed (or not so welcomed) responses from others.

As teenagers we individuate from our familial ties and are motivated to become independent.  The statement, "I wanna do it!" seems to be seared into a child's lexicon, because they long for autonomy and kudos.  Slowly over a lifespan it becomes apparent that we can't do everything alone.  We need other people.  We need each other, and thus begins the journey of interdependence.

Dependence - Independence - Interdependence:

A strong community is built on interdependent relationships.  Interdependence occurs when two individuals come together to negotiate their relationship.  The pillars of interdependence are self awareness and reciprocity (exchange with mutual benefit), so that you are connected to another person in such a way that you do not lose yourself in the relationship; but you are able to love and support the other person.   Effective communities are able to bring people together to understand their needs and encourage interdependence.

People thrive in effective local communities when there is space for everyone to confidently share their gifts and talents with others.  A sense of community belonging flourishes by creating shared experiences, shared projects, shared gatherings and spaces.  Community support enhances our mental health and our personal growth.  People who have an intrinsic sense of 'community' understand that they are not alone, more so, they are part of a larger group of people navigating and negotiating the journey of life.

Naku te rourou nau te rourou ka ora ai te iwi -Whakatauki.                       

With your food basket and my food basket the people will live.

Those from collective communities understand the benefit of  strong social cohesion, where an individual's success or resources help to support other members in the group.  Often indigenous people groups have the tools to support a self-sustaining community, because they place the community before the individual and their environment supports reciprocity and caring for others.  Thus, building trust and well-being between people.

Although there are many types of community, we all benefit from friendships.  Whether its hanging out with neighbours, celebrating with team members, finding like-minded people to fight a cause with, or chatting to a trusted confidant,  these connections enhance our mental health and inform our personal identity.  I have found that belonging to my community means I can decide to 'show up' and bring my own unique gifts and efforts to a social or formal group.  Community inspires me to 'be myself' and continue my journey of personal growth.

Tips for engaging in your local community:

• Be yourself

• Remember people create friendships in all different ways; be easy on yourself

• Find people who are good at networking with others and work with them to gather people into smaller friendship groups.

• Celebrate the loves and losses with those around you; stand in solidarity

• Join local groups (interests, political, environmental, sports groups) rather than going to other communities

• Start a project with others (common perspective creates connection)

• Support local businesses

• Protect community green spaces and shared public spaces

• Find people who are good at networking with others and work with them to gather people into smaller friendship groups

#MyStory #Identity #Belonging #SpokeInsight