My Values: Building Trusted Relationships

I often hear people say, "I love working with smart people."  If you delve a bit deeper, perhaps it isn't intellect that attracts us to our fellow team members, maybe it's the way they are committed to serving their colleagues, to help  move the team forward.  We subconsciously trust each other because of how others treat us and follow through on what that say.  If we are willing to learn about trust, we can begin to build strong, intimate relationships.

Steps to Building Trust:

1. Respecting Others

Treating others with respect is one of the base elements of trust.  Mocking others or using a condescending tone instantly makes the other person distrust, and this leads to protective state rather than vulnerability.  Taking time to understand someone else's sense of humor helps to create connection and avoid offence.  Respect is created over time and good communication begins when we remember someone's name, ask them questions about themselves, remember important personal details, and listen and paraphrase what they have said in conversation.

Tips:  Respecting others begins with good communication.  Listening and paraphrasing others ideas can help to establish respect and strengthen initial relational ties.

2. Mean What You Say

We are most effective in a team or a workplace when we can follow through on what we say.  Before agreeing to a task or activity you may need to research what is required.  When a task or activity is aligned to your goals, or job description you can fulfill it with vision, desire and passion.  If the task is not aligned to your goals, you will not follow through with the same focus or engagement.

Tip:   When you research and align tasks to your goals and desires you will always mean what you say and follow through.

3.  Gradually Become More Vulnerable

At the beginning of a relationship we are called to lighten the load of a friendship with 'light' stories.   As people grow in relationship with us we are called to share deeper, more personal stories that help others to understand our flaws and celebrate our successes.  Being vulnerable means that the people you are sharing your story with have enough of your life 'context' to understand what is meaningful to you (Source: Brene Brown.) 

At the beginning of a relationship we will need to test before we trust.  Finding out who people really are when you share your personal information is important step to trusting them with more of your story.  Workplace relationships do not always require our personal or painful stories; however, being open and honest is always helpful to strengthening relational ties.

Expressing our feelings in a healthy way may mean we need to challenge the assumptions we have about others.  People are not always 'bad' or 'good', everyone lives in the 'grey' of life, so at times it is better to challenge your assumptions about a person so that you have centered thoughts and are to speak from a place of respect, vulnerability and assertiveness.

Thoughts such as, "She'll never accept my business case, because she's an angry boss and doesn't like me" reveals the assumptions that have been made that will stop your progress.  It is better to use vulnerability and assertiveness than assume a negative outcome.

Tips: Test before you Trust.  Context is important to creating connection and empathy, so that your personal stories can be respected and reciprocated.  

Light relationship = light stories; Deep relationship = deep stories (Brene Brown).

4.  Believe in the Adventure

Whether we are taking risks in our personal relationships or creating a brand new paradigm at work, we are required to 'show up' and be 'all in' when the team sets a vision, goal or task.  Taking risks as part of a team helps others to trust us and inspires others to give their best to the task ahead.  Our commitment to an undetermined outcome creates strong relational ties; subconsciously sending a message of dedication and perseverance to those around us.

Being committed to a risky venture is similar to sacrificing our own comfort for those around us.  It is important that as we risk, we have strategies to met our own needs so that we can have enough energy to give our relationships.   Caring for others on an uncertain or risky adventure means we need to know how to care for ourselves.

Tip: Life's adventures require us to commit, persevere and serve others.  Committing to risking our resources out of a 'full energy' state means we are able to be responsible for the gifts and talents we have been given and we can persevere through uncertain waters; inspiring trust from our fellow team members.

#relationships #teamwork #communication #spokeinsight